The automated Dave Barry column generator

Fill in the fields below and click to generate your own Dave Barry column. If you're not sure what this site is about, read about AutoDave.
1. Enter the name of a town:
2. Enter a plural noun, the weirder the better:
3. What does your answer to (2) do that makes them so weird? They
4. Something you'd say to someone to make them want to leave ""
5. Give me an insult, go wild:
6. Enter one of your friend's names:
7. Come up with a really stuffy, formal (male) name:
8. Now come up with a slang (male) nickname:
9. Enter four things that always go together:

10. You're standing under the point of impact of the asteroid in Armageddon, what do you say?
11. Your boss is about to discover that your bungling caused an accounting error of $2 million, what do you say?
12. Someone cuts you off in traffic, what do you say?
13. You are female, your husband cheated on you, and the court rules that you can do one and only one really nasty thing to him, so: You his
14. Complete the sentence:
I would really enjoy

the bullies who used to beat me up in high school
15. How would you describe the U.S. government plan to have air bags installed in all cars only to warn them about the life-threatening hazards two years later? (Note: your answer must be a phrase containing at least one space)
16. What should we do to solve the garbage crisis?
17. What is your standard procedure for unclogging toilets?
18. Complete the sentence: Governments are supposed to
19. Complete the sentence: Desk-bound employees spend a great deal of time typing with one hand and holding a in the other...
20.What would be a good bumper sticker for someone that you hate?